Break Me
by Karla3
Summary: Sometimes the promises we make to ourselves need to be broken to move on. For some letting go is just as hard as living with the hurt. Oneshot.


Time compression was not what she had expected.

It was not a blurred mix of images playing over and over again in her mind like a tapestry of memories. It was not a jostled and confused mess of her past and endless loops of significant moments in her life. It was not full of stars, or the ocean, or a beautiful field of pink and white flowers. It was nothing. It was a white void. Nothing.

There was no floor. There was no ceiling. There was nothing. She could feel her feet touching the solid ground and a light breeze muss with her hair and tickle her face. But what was it? Where did it come from? It was so simple. Shouldn't there be more? They had defeated the evil sorceress, the final battle. Their defining moment. They had survived to see the world which they loved saved forever. They were heroes. So why was she here, all alone, in this void of nothing?

It was then when she saw him. Sitting on ground in heap, like a child.

She ran to him. She ran so fast and so hard that tears rushed out from the corners of her eyes and wet her hair. She threw herself upon his frame, thrust her frail arms around his shoulders and sobbed into his jacket. He felt so tiny. So fragile. So small.

Like a child.

She wiped her eyes clean with the back of her hand and looked at his face. She looked deeply into the eyes of a scared six year old boy. He held his arms around his knees as he stared off into the distance. He barely noticed her.

Before taking a moment to think, she whispered his name.

"Squall? What's wrong?"

He sighed in response and tightened his grip on his knees.

"I runned away again."

Softly, she placed her hand to his cheek and smiled. He looked so innocent and young, but his little face was contorted in pain and anguish. His stormy eyes looked familiar, but they showed his suffering more than he would ever have allowed before.

"Oh Squall, who did you run from?" She asked.

"Matwon," he started, "but I don't hate her. I only runned to here because I didn't know where else to go. I don't hate her. I love Matwon, but I don't want her to send me away. I don't wanna leave."

Her fingers moved up to his hair where she delicately moved it from his eyes.

"Where is she sending you?"

He looked off to the side. His eyes became distant. Distracted.

"Far away. Away from her. She doesn't want me anymore." He looked up at her face as a sad smile came to his lips.

"Will you stay with me?"

She was taken back slightly, but regained her composure and nodded slowly.

"Yes Squall. Always."

"Pwomise you won't leave me?" He suddenly became urgent. The force of it made her freeze for a moment. Why was he so intent on having her stay? Didn't he know she would never leave?

"I promise I will never leave you Squall."

His bottom lip began to tremble. She ached to hold him. To placed his head to her heart and whisper her love in his ear. To let him cry with her and watch the waves of the rolling sea before them.

Waves.

The sea.

Sand.

A beach? Yes, she was on a beach. Sitting in the sand by the shore with the waves mere steps from her feet. A cool breeze swept over them and lifted her hair from her shoulders. It was night and the water looked black – but no stars were reflected on its surface. Squall was staring at it; hopelessly lost. He sniffed back his cries.

"That's not true," He whimpered, "you're going to leave aren't you?"

She looked down at him incredulously, suddenly panicked. "No! Squall I promise you I won't. Why would you say a thing like that?" She began to feel scared for this poor little soul. Alone in the cold night. Again she found herself aching with the need to hold him close and make his pain dissolve. His face hardened and a look of resolve replaced his once scared features.

"Yes you will. Everyone always does. Mummy and Daddy did and they loved me. Matwon told me so. She said they loved me. I don't care though because if they really loved me like she said they do – then they would be here with me – right now. But they're not here. I've never even met them. I don't know what they look like. Sis was all I had. Now she's gone too. I'll never see her again, because I loved her and she pwomised to never leave and now she has and now I'm all alone again. That's why you're going to leave. That's why you can't pwomise me that your gonna stay, because I know in my heart that you're just going to leave."

A tear rolled down her cheek.

"Squall…?"

He pounded his fist on the sand in frustration and cried out. Tears spilled forth from his tiny little eyes and ran down his chin. He wasn't trying to hold them back anymore. He let them come and it nearly killed her. He was in so much pain.

"I don't ever want to be hurt again! Never!" He screamed. His body was shaking now as anger began to consume him. "They always leave me! I love them but just leave me and I get hurt. I get hurt so bad that my heart feels all funny and starts to ache. Matwon called it heartbroken once. I think that's what I am – heartbroken."

"No!" This was too much to bear; his anguish was hurting her too.

"They hurt me because they love me and because I love them!" He screamed.

She began to tremble. The feel of the ocean breeze was almost non-existant now. Even the sand beneath felt like it was falling away. She was losing him. Losing her hold on him.

He had to hold on! She gave in and wrapped her arms around him tightly. She held him close and rested his head on her shoulder. His tiny arms wrapped around her neck and he sobbed into the material of her duster. His muffled voice came out like a strangled cry.

"I pwomise I won't let them love me anymore. I pwomise I won't love anyone anymore. No one will ever get close enough to me to ever love me. I won't ever be hurt again. My heart won't ache anymore. I'll be safe with just me!"

She found herself crying with him as they embraced.

"But I love you Squall," she whispered, "I love you so much. You've become everything to me. I won't leave. I couldn't. Never. I'm nothing without you. You've saved me countless times and never asked for anything in return. You're more than a friend to me. I'm more than a client – I know I am. Meeting you was the best thing that ever happened to me. I could never go on without you. I know you're hurting inside Squall. I know you've been heartbroken all this time, but you have to let go. You have to break your own promises to live again."

"No!" He pound his little fist again her shoulder. "No!"

She pushed him away to look into his eyes. They were red with tears and despair.

"Squall you once made a promise to me you know. Just me. You promised you would always be there. Waiting for me. Do you remember that promise?"

He stared at, his heart pounding and his eyes searching hers. Slowly he stopped shaking and nodded his head.

"I remember." He managed to reply.

She smiled back at him. "Deep inside, you know you're loved. You're loved by your friends, by the people who care about you. They don't love you so they can leave you – they love you because they want to stay. What happened in the past is over. You can't live life there Squall. Life is in the future. It's in the future that you're meant to be. With me! Not here. Let go, please, for me. I need you Squall."

He took a moment to take it in. He looked beyond her to the black waves of the ocean.

"Why did they leave me, if they loved me?" He asked, in barely a whisper.

"Because they loved you too. Fate tore them away, but their love remained. The absence of love is not what takes people away. It's what keeps them with us. Always. People you love will come and go in your life, but it's that love that remains constant. Like mine."

She traced her finger down his handsome face, to the familiar vertical scar and smiled. His weathered grey eyes; eyes that had seen so much over the past few months - stared up her with longing. The sounds of the ocean were replaced with nothing and the sea breeze lulled to a stop. Strong arms pulled her close and held her tightly.

"I need you too, Rinoa."


End file.
